Chardonnay: A Novel Read online

“What has gotten into you?!” I slandered back at the thought of her pulling my tresses. Her hand flew back and my father caught it and said,

  “Now Stacey, you’re not touching my baby. If she doesn’t want to marry that boy then let it be.”

  She snapped her neck back at him and spat out, “She has humiliated us!”

  “She is our child...now come on, we talked about this.” he said and looked over at me.

  Tears strolled down my face and I heaved in and out uncontrollably. She didn’t know. How could she of known she was forcing me to marry someone who had hurt me over and over again. Why would any mother allow her child to be hurt mentally and physically?

  Instead of protecting me she was soliciting me.

  “And I’m fine! It’s nice of you to ask since you haven’t seen me since March-momma!”

  “It’s mother! I could never get you to talk right...you act like you were raised in the slums of the ghetto. It’s no wonder I can even get such a nice, intelligent, and determined young man like Myron to take your hand in marriage!” she disinclined in a rage.

  Before I knew I had done it, the print mark was left at the right side of her face. Jersey covered her mouth and my daddy broke us up before any more hits could be made. He pulled my hysterical mother out my room as she kicked and hollered slurred remarks at me. I rushed to my closet and started loading clothes, shoes, purses, panties—whatever I could that would help me survive for however long it would take me to get on my feet.

  Without my parent’s helping me for college tuition along with letting go of Myron’s money, I would have to learn how the fittest survived. Jersey walked on into my room and sat on my bed. Although she had given up some of her innocence she had so much left in her that I envied her for just a second. After I ran out of breath and leaned on my bed she said to me,

  “Where could you possibly go?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m not staying here. Not when she treats me like this...”

  Right then my phone rung. I looked at my screen and saw that it was Micah. I had four missed calls and didn’t hear one of them ring while I was asleep. I answered the call coming in from Micah.

  “Hey.”

  “Baby cakes! I have got some good news!”

  “Any news right now would be good news, Micah.”

  “Well, check this out! I’ve been on the phone with a rep for this top notch mag—and I won’t tell you which one since the deeds aren’t set—but anyway, They not only like your style of writing but your look.”

  I sat down on my bed and listened into Micah’s over eagerness monotone.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’ll see! You will meet them next month.”

  “Next month! Micah I have to be back in classes by August. That’s no time for an intern.”

  “You won’t need college if we nip this deal, hon! Yes we must continue education but why when you’re set for life! Look, I love you but I have to make moves, I have some prima business to take care of, okay. Love ya!”

  We clicked off the line together having Micah only leave me with my hopes up high only to be let back down after hearing my mother’s ranting down stairs. I called Konstance to see if I could post up at her place, she finally answered on the fifth ring.

  “Konnie please don’t say no.”

  “About what,” sleep was in her lungs and I could tell I had interrupted good sleep after hard sex for her.

  “I can’t stay at my mom’s place. She tripping.”

  “Of course she is...you broke Myron’s heart, Nay. I mean, I know he’s a dog but you should have seen him.”

  “So...you were there.”

  “Well...yeah. I thought you were going to be there and when I showed up they said you weren’t anywhere to be found.”

  “Hump. Did Myron tell you he was the last one to see me?”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact he did. He told me you took his money and ran off somewhere!”

  He wasn’t lying yet he made me sound like a deranged gold digger. I wondered how many people he told that story to.

  “More went down than that. And what hurts is that you haven’t asked me if I was okay or not.”

  “Well you haven’t called either. Look, I’m coming by to get you, but you know all Aunt Stacey has to do is called them and tell them not to let you stay here.”

  “We’ll face it when it comes, alright.”

  I packed up my cargo and carried it down the back stairs so I wouldn’t be seen out. Before I left I went back up stairs and peeked into my grandfather’s bedroom. He had been staying there since I left for college. He coughed uncontrollably as I knocked on the door. He sat up in his bed and leaned over to the night stand to get his glasses. He focused his eyes on me and smiled.

  “Oh chile. When you get back?” he said, forcing his sentence through his worn lungs.

  “I’ve been back for two days now Pal pal. You doing fine?” I said sitting in the chair next to his bed.

  “Well, as fine as I could be. Ya’ old pal pal done hit the dirt road to heaven.” he coughs again, leaving me speechless.

  “All come on. I done had enough men break my heart for the weekend. Don’t you hurt me too.” I said feeling tears come from the corners of my eyes. My grandfather had been sick for a while now. I knew he was dying alive, right before my eyes. Every bit of him was deteriorating. The one thing that may be left when he would take his last breath, from the look off things, would be his bones.

  “Who—who done messed with my sweet Chardonnay? Not my little girl.”

  “Oh it’s nothing.”

  Creaks in the door cried as someone was opening it. I looked back to see my mother standing there with her arms crossed and her mouth pressed tight. She motioned for me to get out. I kissed my grandfather on his cheek and slowly retreated. I waited for my mother to come out in the hallway after tucking him back in and refilling his glass with a chilled bottle of water from the miniature refrigerator in his room. She closed the door lightly and turned to me.

  “What you call yourself doing, disturbing his rest, girl?” She was beautiful. But ugly as far as it went to her soul. Dressed and pressed before sunrise. Never natural. Never knew her truly.

  “Look, you’re about to get what you’ve been wanting—I’m leaving.”

  “Uhn huh, and where are you going to go? You can’t do a damned thing for yourself, Chardonnay.”

  “Oh yeah, what makes you think that?”

  “Because—you’re-a-little-girl. You think you know this world but you don’t. It’s not as easy as it may seem. Why do you think I’ve worked so damned hard to find you a good husband?! A man that will walk this Earth back and forth for you.”

  “I’m not a little girl—I’m a grown ass woman! And I can take care of myself. I don’t need a man to feed me from hand to mouth.”

  “Just because your twenty-one doesn’t mean anything! And security is everything you need right now with your intellect.”

  I started to walk away from her insults. She wouldn’t give me credit where credit was due. Could never admit I was better than her at some things. Now she had to find a way for me to fail and prove me wrong. Not paying for my college would gravitate her world. Would make her smile when she woke up everyday.

  “Donnay, don’t you turn your back on me.”

  “You have to make every decision about my life in order for yours to be perfect. You have to choose the schools I go to, the car I drive, the man I choose to marry. Why?”

  “Because you don’t know any better.”

  “What! What have I done to make you feel like I’m not well enough to determine my destiny?”

  “Nothing, you’ve done nothing. I just want to make sure you get it. Discussion over.” she said leaving before I could. She had to have the last everything. Even the last shit. Cause that’s all it was to me.

  Jersey helped me out the back door. When I stepped out the door I saw Zasmyth’s Cotton Candy Mustang outside instead of Konst
ance’s BMW.

  She was bent over getting something from the back seat.

  “Where’s Konnie?!” I asked as I walked up on her.

  “She didn’t call you? She told mi she had something come up, but you can crash at my place. You know my moms don’t care—she’s not dere most de time in ti way.”

  Zasmyth’s house was nice but the hospitality wasn’t so great. I wasn’t immune to sleeping on floors and that would be the case if slumber came at Zasmyth’s home. She and her sister only had twin sized beds and they shared the same room—no guest room and the other room was their mother’s where Zasmyth frequently fucked Gehvoni, Myron’s cousin, who was still away at Howard. They were an on and off again situation.

  Jersey threw my bags in the back and I slumped in her front seat. I really didn’t know what I was going to do and if I would stay gone at all. Zasmyth got in the front seat and started her mustang.

  “You koo?” she asked looking at me.

  “For the first time I don’t want anyone to ask me that...I’m tired of this shit. I just want something different.”

  “I know what you mean, Nay.”

  She pulled out the back drive way and speed off. She turned the radio on and there was a promotional model search tour coming through K.C.

  “You hear that? I’m thinking about going.” said Zasmyth.

  “That’s stuff isn’t real. I mean if they really wanted models do you think they would be touring.”

  “Well, you know their one of the most prolific agencies don’t you.”

  “Who?”

  “Superior Elite Models.”

  “Oh really...”

  “Dag—you don’t listen to shit do you? These girl run all the big timers. The music videos, award shows, runway show. We talking money—honey!”

  I tried to picture myself being on the T.V. and dancing. It wasn’t me. I shrugged, “If it’s good for you then it’s good for me.”

  “Girl, you got the look. I bet you could do it if you wanted to.”

  We pulled up to her house and just as she turned the ignition off my cell rung. Myron once again. I answered it this time only to tell him not to call me back anymore. But sometimes our hearts don’t follow our mind.

  “Hello.”

  “Where are you? We need to talk.”

  “We can talk now.”

  “In person.”

  “The last time we did that it didn’t go very well.”

  “I didn’t mean to...damn baby, please.”

  Zasmyth rolled her eyes as she got out the car and I said,

  “Over Zas house.” then I hung up.

  He was there within seconds. I waited for him outside on her porch playing with the wind chimes that sung the wind’s song. I didn’t look at him as he got out his Escalade and briskly walked up the side walk. Myron sat on the stone ledge of the porch and looked at me. I peered up at him and his mouth parted as if he wanted to say something. Then I said, “Tell me what it’s like.”

  “What’s like?”

  “What it’s like to be left in the dark? That’s how I feel...and I don’t know why.” I said as I sat down on the stoup. He slowly sat beside me.

  “I—I can’t tell you what it’s like, but I can tell you what it’s like to lose you,” He said softly pulling my hand into his.

  “I haven’t ever felt this deserted to where nothing else matters to me anymore.”

  “You’ve said all this before!” I said as I stood to my feet.

  “I know—”

  “No you don’t. You don’t know what I’m going through at home—or that I’m fighting for an education my mother doesn’t think is worth getting. Sometimes I think you really don’t care. That or you have no fuckin’ emotional substance.”

  His eyebrows furrowed.

  “You’re saying I can’t feel what you feel? That I’m not real?”

  I crossed my arms and rolled my neck at him. He pulled himself up from the steps.

  “If that’s the case then what the fuck am I doing here...” he took off down the brick walk way.

  The way he said the words, not being volatile from the calm disposition he was in, made me follow him down that yellow brick road where sanctimonious dreams lay ahead.

  He trampled down the stairs and I jumped down them after him.

  “Myron wait.” I said as I followed him to his car. I latched on to his RocaWear polo shirt and his weight shifted back on me.

  “For what?For you to tell me an excuse. I don’t wanna hear it.” he said snatching away from me and going around to his driver side door.

  “I’m sorry, but you have done me dirty.”

  “You right. But the difference is that I have never once given up on you! I’m not perfect I can’t help that!”

  To me, he was right. Maybe that was the problem, I always saw him as the right one.

  Myron got in his car and unlocked the doors. He obviously wanted me to get in the car. As I got in,

  Myron rested his head back on the head rest.

  “You were pure. My wife has to be pure. I love you Char but you’re not pure.” he said as he turned to looked at me.

  “Pure? You mean my virginity?”

  He nodded his head.

  “I was before you took it from me.”

  Myron’s stare became serious as he slowly sat up.

  “Char, you think I took it from you the other day?”

  “Well yeah, Slim and I never had sex.”

  He looked at me amazed.

  “I thought you said-”

  “I thought it too. But the truth is we didn’t get very far. I’m sorry if I’ve compromised y’all friendship.”

  “Hump, me and Sky been on the outskirts for a minute. Not just because of you...so you really wanna be with him, or do you just want us to be over?”

  I took a minute to answer before I said, “I want us to be over.”

  “Chardonnay, you mean to tell me this isn’t about another dude? That you just wanna leave me?”

  “I told you!”

  He let it go.

  “Men, y’all are so territorial and predatory. So you can have sex with all the girls you want, but I can’t cheat on you?” I said thinking of his post reaction.

  “Chardonnay, I know I cheated. But my father told me a pure woman was a faithful woman no matter what you do.”

  “So?”

  “And the shit messed me up! I’ve cheated on you too many times...” he said confronting the bones in his closet. He had never done that before. It seemed he was finally getting it.

  I looked straight ahead and pondered right there if I was making the right decision of not marrying him since he was now acting sensible. That was until he said, “Some of the times you don’t know about, I messed around on you with someone I thought wouldn’t tell you, because I know how you do.” he said referring to my tracking groupies down log.

  I licked my lips and said,

  “How many?”While bracing myself.

  “It’s not how many, that’s the problem...it’s how many times I’ve slept with the person—just one girl.”

  I was sick to my stomach. Too sick and didn’t know why it was getting to me this bad. Little flutters ripped in my stomach and I heard myself crying. Knowing is different than someone actually telling you. My denial couldn’t be my shield anymore.

  “You still seeing her?”

  He took a breath and said,

  “No...not anymore. I think we can get through this Chardonnay,” he touched my face bring my lips closer to his.

  “I talked to my moms and the pastor at my church. I confessed my sins and you know I don’t ever do that. I want to start anew.”

  I believed him. Or it might have been me wanting to believe it would work out. It took everything in me to push the hesitant resistance out my psyche. I didn’t know what the feeling was but something was holding me back.

  He took my hands in his and whispered to me a soft I love you in my longing ear. He kissed
me right under my ear, just below my chin, my spot he had discovered like the moon so many times. He kissed and sucked, making me weak, making me surrender.

  “We’re in this together. I need you in my life, Char. I can’t live without you baby.”

  I didn’t speak. Myron started the car up.

  “My mother wants to see you. That’s why I’m here.”

  “She’s mad at me?”

  “Just told me to come get you.”

  * * * *

  It was about a ten minute drive from Zasmyth’s house to The Kent’s estate. When we pulled up to Myron’s house his father was standing in the circle drive way on the phone. As we got out the car, Myron’s father asked to speak with him alone without acknowledging me. A first. Apparently he knew what was going on between us. I walked past the sparkling fountain and nervously pushed the golden door bell. I looked back at Myron and Mr. Kent and saw Myron walking angrily off down the drive

  way. Before I could yell his name and take off after him, the front door flew open. Mrs. Lim-Kent stood before me with a glass of what I was sure was wine. She stepped back acknowledging me without words to come in. Once I did so she closed the door and turned to me. I couldn’t look at her. I felt shamed for what I had done to her son. But her next action would abort my condolences.

  She hugged me.

  “Why?” I asked.

  I figured she would have been mad at me for what I had done to her son.

  “Why not?” she asked raising an eyebrow.

  “Come with me.” she said.

  We walked to her private office. As we entered, I noticed a picture of Myron and me along with other family pictures on her mantle. I sat down in a cashmere covered seat that sat in front of her desk and watched her come around the side to sit in the seat behind her clear glass desk. I marveled at her long, sleek, yet textured, jet-black hair.

  It was parted in the middle and bumped in soft curls at the ends. She was beyond gorgeous or exotic. Her vogue and warm presence was a ravishing novelty.

  “So, Miss Chardonnay, tell me—”

  “Mrs. Kent I’m so sorry.” I said cutting her off and holding my head down. She leaned over and lifted my chin.

  “For what? Giving his little ass what he deserves?”