Chardonnay: A Novel Read online

  I sighed and said, “I’ve stopped everything in my life for him. The charity events, football games and practices, was there when he signed with Howard, his volunteer work functions, prepped him for the SAT, went to all of his graduations including this years from undergrad. What do I get? Did he come to my high school graduation, or read my first published article in Teen People that I busted my ass interning for? Or how about all the shit I missed to just be at his?”

  After a brief pause I went on to say,

  “I missed our last national cheer leading competition because he was being broad casted for his first college game on ESPN and I was there in the crowd for him.”

  Tears kept welling in my eyes. How did I let Myron gain my free will?

  “It’s hard. I know. Gehvoni works me too. Like a damn slave. But, Nay you two are the Will and Jada or Oprah and Steadman for all of us. For everyone looking at y’all. You’ve always been together.”

  “For one, Will and Jada have had probably less problems than Myron and I have had in our little nine years together. I was still trying to play with Barbie dolls when I fell in love with him, yet they were snatched away from me too.

  And even Oprah won’t let Steadman give her his last name! You don’t have to define yourself by these niggas! Especially when they act like niggas.”

  “That word!”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Every relationship comes with a price. You can’t ask back for everything that you ever gave him—especially the emotional support. And hell, even if y’all not together, y’all still gonna need that from each other.” Zasmyth stated.

  “I couldn’t do it!” Tears fell from my eyes. Friends with Myron? That would be like dying a slow death to me.

  “Why not? That’s why most break-ups are so bad. One stocks the other. The other calling for de pussy. Y’all need each other still. If you have a common bond—it won’t be so tempting. There will be respect.”

  I shook my head and digressed.

  “You should know, huh?” I asked.

  She smirked rolled her eyes.

  “No wonder people ask for alimony. Shit takes too much time and money to just be fucked around like this. Hell no I’m not marrying him!” I ranted.

  “New England Patriots.” she whispered.

  I looked to Zasmyth in the midst of my rage and held my chest.

  “I knew that. My God. They hunted him for his talent for the last two years. One hundred...million dollar contract. Couldn’t give him more because of the salary cap.”

  Zasmyth’s eyes popped out her head. She stood up athirst and kneeled down at my feet.

  “What!”

  I looked away from her and wiped my eyes.

  “Chardonnay, that’s a lot of fucking monni! Ya crazy gurl!”

  “I Would rather be with a poor, faithful, and hustling man than a rich cheating one. Myron doesn’t care about me.”

  “I would think the same as well, but when I think about it—it seems he’s been torn about y’all. Myron is about to go to the NFL. He could get any women he wanted.”

  “Yeah that’s what he told me.”

  “So?”

  “So? It’s about not wanting to disappoint his family. Their traditions, not me.”

  “Call it what cha want! That man loves you.”

  “Zas? I need to tell you something.” I said as my voice cracked.

  “Whassup, girl?”

  “Myron tried to rape me after I told him about Slim.”

  “WHAT! What do you mean tried to rape you?”

  “Well he actually got in...but the weird part is I feel confused about it. I don’t know what to call it.”

  “So are you telling me you liked it?”

  “No—no...well I guess. As much as a struggled, I began to feel a sort of combustion inside my pussy and I shook all over.”

  Zasmyth smirked at me and said, “It’s okay. What you experienced is called an orgasm.”

  I looked up at her out the corner of my eyes and said, “I didn’t know you could get one from any high or low level of emotion.”

  “Well that’s loves gift.”

  “It’s one crazy gift.”

  I awoke to my cell phone ringing off the hook the next morning and my back aching from sleeping on the hard wood floors. When I answered the phone Slim began his bitching.

  “Aye ma—where you been?!”

  “To myself.”

  “Like you always do. You never called me and told me you were okay. I see you and My back on the skirts.”

  “It ain’t like that.”

  “Yeah, cause he dropped yo ass again. When is it gone stop? When are you going to stop letting him do the same shit to you like he the only man created for you?” Slim asked with hostility in his tone.

  “That’s none of your business, plus I thought he was your boy. Why you still chasing me?”

  “Like I told you...because I care. But that’s what you want...someone to cheat on you and make you cry.”

  I sat up and leaned on the edge of Zasmyth bed thinking about what Slim was saying.

  “I just can’t seem to let go sometimes. How come you...”

  “What, care so much,” he chuckled.

  “Cause I been down wit chu from day one even when you wasn’t down wit me.”

  “How did you know I was in Saint Louis?” I said as an afterthought.

  “Gehvoni...we still kick it.”

  “He back?”

  “Yeah...don’t tell Zasmyth though.”

  “Why?”

  “Let’s just say it ain’t good.”

  We sat on the phone for another minute before he said, “I want to see you.”

  “I—I don’t know. Slim...I need to clear my head. Being with you and not being over Myron is not fair to you.”

  “No, it’s not. It’s just that every time I see you, my heart skips a beat. If that ain’t love, I don’t know what is. This goes against everything I stand for. I ain’t ever seen a hard nigga go soft until me.”

  I laughed.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  My line clicked in and I saw it was Micah.

  “Hold on Slim, Hello?”

  Micah let out,

  “I have to have your full undivided attention right now!”

  “Okay...”

  “Is there someone on your other line—you clicked over fast, babe. Tell them bye!”

  I chuckled and did as told. I made plans to see Slim later. When I clicked over Micah screamed, “GIRL! It’s on—I talked to the CEO of Superior Ethnic Models! They want you to come to their industry party next Friday—one week from now and meet with you.”

  “At a party?”

  “Yes! That’s where most of the long life contacts are made. If you can fit in—hon you can get in, okay?”

  “What are these people names?”

  “Oh, Josh Payton, she’s the executive of operations and model scout, Carney Thompson, MUA to the stars, a host of wardrobe stylist who I don’t have the time to name off and, Jean Vonseigneur the creator and CEO—hot huh!”

  “In one breath...for real huh?”

  “Told you I don’t have time to waste. I live and breathe fashion hon.”

  “Hold on—wait. Is this an intern or model gig.”

  “Intern...but you just gave me an idea—talk to you later on that one!”

  “Micah no—”

  Before I could tell him I didn’t want him to put a word in for me to model although it was a deep dream of mine, he had hung up.

  9

  Crossing Lives

  Slim arrived at eight on the dot in front of Zasmyth’s house. He was silent when we first pulled off. I felt queasiness in my stomach and pushed the automatic window button down. It subsided a bit. Once we were five blocks away from Zasmyth’s house Slim pulled over and parked his car at Loose Park. It was a beautiful park. Huge in fact, with a pond, rose garden and a field that was so long and wide there could be many recreatio
nal events taking place all at once ranging from Frisbee, volley ball, kite flying, private picnics and a host of other things. Today Slim and I wouldn’t be doing any of those things. He adjusted himself in the driver’s side of his seat and leaned it back. I looked over at him and he pulled my hand in his.

  “I don’t want you staying at Zasmyth’s house.”

  “Why not?”

  “Just listen to me. I know how she does things and I don’t want you being influenced.”

  “Whatever—I stripped for you and your boys.”

  Slim looked out the window and said a faint,

  “Don’t remind me. Aye, Nay I need to be real with you.”

  “Okay, then be real.”

  “I do love you...but, I—I’ve been like a protective guard over you.” he said looking over at me.

  I didn’t understand what he meant. Looking off at the blank green landscape I asked,

  “What are you saying?”

  “Well, how can I say this? Chardonnay I’m your body guard.”

  I broke out a half smile and ran my hands through my strawberry red hair.

  “Bodyguard? You mean like Whitney Houston and that white guy? Oh I get it—it’s a joke since my last name is Hous—”

  “I ain’t joking!” he said getting serious.

  “Myron is my boy—and I would never stab him in his back. But I am in love with you...now you understand why you can’t go around jeopardizing my job?”

  We shared stares for all of a minute before I sat back in my seat and asked, “Who hired you?”

  “Who else? He trusts me with your life like he trusted me with your heart.”

  “Why?”

  Slim looked out his window and shook his head.

  “I can’t say. But just know you safe.” he said touching my face.

  I leaned into him as he froze up.

  “It’s okay,” I assured.

  “This time I know the real and so do you. And this time he’s not in middle of us. We’re done. Nothing to hold us back.” I said as I kissed his face. Slim began to whisper,

  “But there is...you just don’t know it.”

  I breathed in and out slowly, feeling the tips of his fingers trial the middle of my stomach under my blouse. Slim smelled so good. Good enough to eat.

  Before I knew it he was on top of me pushing inside gently. My legs were rested on the dash board and the seat was pushed back enough so no one could see us. Where we were parked people seldom walked by.

  Slim made me come for every time Myron cheated on me. Meaning Slim had to put it down. And he did. I let go of the fact I was again being sexed in a car or the fact that the man on top of me had flaws I was overlooking in order to be looked over. With reasoning that he was pacifying Myron’s pain, I never thought once that Slim wasn’t doing this for me, he was doing it for himself. Enveloped by panic of the realization I was with someone other than Myron, I hit Slim’s back signaling him to stop. He pulled out of me and placed his wet and shiny dick on my stomach and let go of his cum as I broke down crying. He kissed my lips and asked,

  “Was it that good?”

  My tears had nothing to do with being dicked down it was another problem I didn’t presume to happen...I missed Myron. I looked up at Slim and couldn’t place why the simple act of us having sex would get to me this bad.

  “Ye—yeah, it was good baby.” I lied as I wiped my eyes.

  “Good, let me give you some more. This time I’m a melt in you and when I do, I want you to say daddy dick me good, a’ight?”

  I suppressed the emotions I was having and fed Slim my breast as I pushed my legs back further. He pumped harder this round and came in no time. As I felt his flood of cream rush my walls I hollered,

  “DADDY DICK ME GOOD!” with tears that couldn’t fight what I was trying to get Slim’s penis to take away...the memories of Myron. I couldn’t give Slim what he wanted and that may have hurt me more than it hurt him.

  * * * *

  In a weeks’ time, I managed to not hear from Myron or my mother. My father called frequently to check up on me and give me details on my grandfather’s condition. My girls and I decided to go shopping. I was surviving off a couple credits cards and some of Zasmyth’s smut money she nicely offered to give. I needed a treat after all the drama was set and done. I also needed a fly get up for this industry party Micah was inviting me to. Konstance and Zasmyth were just about as thrilled as I was about going.

  “Who did Micah say was going to be there?” asked Konstance.

  “I don’t know who all will be there, but just that the people from SEM will be there.”

  “WORD?” Zasmyth exclaimed.

  “Ya. Anyway, let’s go to the mall so we can get extra cute.” I said rushing them out the door.

  As we rolled up to the packed Oak Park mall, we spotted Denim walking out of the west end of the store carrying a Kay Jewelers bag and some other department store bags. All three of our eyes went of course to the one bag filled with jewelry.

  “Hey baby boy!” Konstance said as she hung out the window. Denim halted his steps startled by our unbeknown presence, and then gave a subtle smile while walking up to the window.

  “What’s up girl? I miss you.” said Denim.

  “Nothing. We just came by to get cute for tonight.” said Konstance.

  I bugged my eyes at her as I turned to look at her in the back seat. I didn’t want anything leaking to Myron of my whereabouts. She shrugged her shoulders at me and continued talking to Denim.

  “So what’s in that bag?” Konstance asked as if on cue.

  “O—oh—um this bag? It—it was a surprise for you baby—”

  Before he could explain the gift he had in store for Konstance she reach for the large bags through the window and began ripping through them like a child on Christmas morning. He looked on nervously and leaned in the window smirking at us.

  “Oh baby! You got me a promise ring!” shrieked Konstance. The ring was obviously sterling silver, the dullness told us that, and it had half of a heart with a jagged edge where the other half would meet it. It was like no other ring he had ever given her...in a bad way.

  Denim nodded his head continuing to say,

  “I know you’re used to better but I wanted to go simple. I—I gotta get it sized too.”

  She placed the too big ring on her finger and then went for the Victoria’s Secret bag. She pulled out at least two hundred dollars’ worth of lingerie and five sets of bathing products. Konstance was so happy

  she had to get out the car and hug Denim.

  Zasmyth looked back at me in the passenger seat and we rolled our eyes at each other. I could hear their faint conversation outside the car.

  “Denim, baby, I love everything! You’re so thoughtful. Sometimes I get so stupid and think silly thoughts about you, but you proved me wrong about some of the things going through my mind.”

  “I’m glad I could baby.”

  “It’s all good. We might have to take the Victoria’s Secret back though.”

  “Why?”

  “I wear a size five not a ten, baby....You’ll get it right eventually.”

  Denim chuckled and then Konstance moved her hand down his stomach and then went for his penis tightening her grip around his shaft, hiding their vulgar actions between their close bodies and the car.

  “I’ll see you tonight.” Konstance said.

  “Fa sho.” he answered back.

  They gave each other a sloppy kiss. Zasmyth honked the horn scaring the shit out of the both of them. Konstance began laughing and she jumped back in the car, letting me nurse the shopping bags she took from Denim. We parked and rushed into the mall deciding to wear sexy dresses since Micah said this thing was for the grown and provocative.

  Bebe was the shopping stop. I picked out a red chiffon dress. The front was cut low to my navel and the back was halter style. The bottom of my dress flowed like silk. Konstance picked a shimmering silver number. The sleeves were long, but
the dresses stopped at mid-thigh. The back draped revealing her whole back. Zasmyth as always wore the barely there dress. It was a powder blue strapless dress. The sides were cut out on the left and the bottom was cut half off beaming more of a salsa inspired dress. We knew we were the American dream. After we left out the store, we ran into Daisy, Shauna, Kimmie, and Carla. The disturbing the peace of relationships crew. “Hi Nay, Konnie, Zas. Where Sheila E. and Iman?” said Shauna.

  She wore shorts that had her butt cheeks falling out and her cleavage was popping out.

  “Hello tramp!” said Konstance.

  “For your infor-ma-shun dey names si Fianna and Katura. And I bet you anyting Sheila E. and Iman could whoop ya’ ass, chile.” said a pissed Zasmyth.

  “Girl, pu-leeze! Fuck you, you , and you— who you calling a tramp?” said Kimmie, looking at Konstance.

  She was Denim’s ex-girlfriend.

  “You!Scaly wag!”

  “You the one who fucked my man!” slanted back a jealous Kimmie.

  “I didn’t fuck your man. I took him and he’s not your man anymore, you grown ass bitch! Too old to be acting like a child.”

  Kimmie was too old. She was damn near thirty and tripping about some crap that went down five years ago.

  “He might be with you, but he still loves me. Ask him about that tattoo on the side of his back of a moon.”

  Kimmie raised up her blouse and had the same damn tattoo. I knew Konstance’s heart dropped because mine dipped for her. Seemed Myron and his boys liked branding their main girls, because they knew how trifling females could be from experience. Too bad that didn’t keep me in check. Too bad Konstance wasn’t Denim’s main girl. She had been with him since she was fourteen after he left Kimmie for her. Kimmie went on to explain,

  “When we fuck in his favorite position where I’m on top and laying on his stomach with my thighs hunched up, it creates a heart.”

  I smacked my hand up to my forehead and thought, damn...that fucked up promise ring of a half heart was never meant to be Konnie’s. Some shit going down now!

  Kimmie dangled out her hand, wiggled it and said, “We just came from Kay Jewelers. Like my four carats?”